On occasion, you can tell within the first five minutes of meeting someone that things won’t work out. But now and then, someone comes along with whom you immediately feel a strong connection. You want to be with them all the time and can’t fathom your life without them – until they go all Katy Perry on you and become hot and cold, leaving you completely in the dark about where things stand. This intermittent behavior may last for months until you realize you’ve squandered all of your time and energy on an exhausting scenario that never changes.
However, being in a wildly hot-and-cold relationship doesn’t always indicate that it’s a karmic one. You can distinguish karmic relationships from non-karmic codependent, dysfunctional, or even toxic ones by looking for specific characteristics. Experts spoke with Bustle to break down everything you need to know about what a karmic relationship is specifically, how to recognize one, and what to do when you’re in one.
What Exactly Is A Karmic Relationship?
Simply defined, a karmic connection is one in which you have a certain type of soulmate — but not the kind you’re probably used to hearing about in movies, books, and music. In a karmic relationship, you will go through ups and downs with someone to balance your spiritual karma and ultimately help you both evolve.
There are two types of karmic connections, according to psychotherapist and relationship counselor Charmayne Kilcup, Ph.D. The first is returning to reconcile any rifts you may have had with someone from a previous existence. The second happens when a karmic pattern that needs to be addressed, such as not standing up for yourself, losing yourself in a relationship, or taking advantage of others, keeps you in a predicament.
Karmic relationships can develop with people you’ve previously known, but it’s not necessary. With a fresh partner, you can also erase bad karma. The goal of this form of interaction, according to Kilcup, is to heal and grow.
How Can You Tell If Your Relationship Is Karmic?
The defining characteristic of a romantic karmic relationship is the perception that both lovers have known one another forever. According to professional psychic and spiritual advisor Davida Rappaport, “That may feel so close to their spouse they [don’t] recognize this person is in their life to work on some issues.” This is frequently referred to as “unfinished business.”
Karmic relationships are sometimes mistaken for destructive ones, although that isn’t always the case. Kilcup claims that a lot relies on the person you’re in a relationship with, the kind of karma you two have, or the particular karmic pattern you need to remove.
If you’re in a karmic relationship with your soulmate, you can experience communication problems, annoying personality traits, problems with trust, or emotional abuse. Because of how intense the connection might feel, it can result in additional harmful behaviors like ignoring other people in your life to focus on your spouse or making up justifications for them all the time. You can be locked in an erratic relationship that never develops into anything more enduring. Even though you are aware that you deserve more, you keep returning.
If the situation reminds you of a toxic relationship, that’s because toxic relationships are frequently a part of karmic partnerships. They want to push you and aid you in breaking a tendency that’s keeping you back, according to Kilcup. You will be pushed by these circumstances until you are ultimately prepared to advance.
It will take time and tons of self-reflection to identify that pattern. According to Kilcup, some people may have a karmic lesson in learning to stand up for themselves, recognize their worth, and refuse to put up with being taken advantage of. The ability to empathize with others, to be compassionate, to be vulnerable, and to say “no” are some other instances of karmic patterns that we are here to cleanse.
It’s vital to remember that you don’t have to work on your problems with the other person if they’re unwilling to put in the effort. You don’t have to stay in an unhealthy relationship simply because you feel a strong spiritual connection to them. The lessons you would have learned in this relationship can be applied to another relationship. “Your karmic difficulties are yours, regardless of who the other person is or how you are connected to them,” Rappaport explains.
Reflecting on your behavior in previous relationships can assist you in determining what type of karmic pattern has to be broken. For example, perhaps you are overly reliant on your partner or you conceal your genuine sentiments to prevent disagreement. Whatever the case may be, make the required changes. There are no special rituals, crystals, or spiritual advisors required to resolve a karmic predicament. It’s all up to you.